There are times when one thing piles on top of another all at once, and then you have not one Bean, but both Beans crawling all around, sometimes on top of you, or just standing right in your way, and you flip out. Having two Beans around and trying to actually productively do a task while they’re not distracted is like having one hand tied behind your back and wearing two casts on your legs.
Today I made 5 1/2 pounds of meatballs, fortunately while the kids were at the home. But I had to pick them up before I managed to finish cleaning up. So I was trying to do this after dinner, but of course Sierra is busy emptying her cupboard of cups, falling repeatedly in her Crocs while running around, exactly in the vicinity of the dishwasher where I am working. While she was lying flat facedown on the floor, I tried to take her socks and Crocs off so that she would have more grip, and of course Everett starts trying to crawl up on my back asking if he could have a cookie.
I vented my frustration on Sierra with harsh tones and snapped at Everett to move out of the way. Everett sulked away. Lately, when Everett is feeling badly, like he has done something wrong, he puts himself in the closet – the room that we designate as the “whining room” or timeout. So this time, he goes into the closet himself and lies down on the floor. Poor Beanie. Everett is old enough to know when he has done something wrong and feel bad about it, or know when daddy is not happy. Maybe about six months ago, he started describing when his book illustrations show characters with happy faces or “serious” faces.
I didn’t let him timeout himself, so I picked up my Bean and instead of giving him have a cookie, I gave in and gave him a full cookie (instead of half which I previously promised), and that seemed to repair relationships.
Of course, Sierra at this time was standing there crying as well after I ripped off her shoes and socks. She just needed to be held. So with her in one arm, I put away the rest of the pots in the dishwasher.
These flip outs happened probably on average once a day, or once every other day for me. I imagine they happen much more frequently for Shannon. When I’m with the Beans, I really do try to make the most out of our time, because if I’m on call, I don’t get all that much quality time with them, especially with the phone ringing off the hook and such. When I’m back from work, I try to be agreeable with Everett. His constant question is “Do you want to play with me?” I try to be enthusiastic and exclaim, “Sure!” And then we proceed to play with the Paw Patrol characters… which has gotten quite tedious over the last year or two.
Everett really likes “Come and get me!” which is being chased by one of us. It gets really fun when Sierra gets into the game as well, and we usually do loops around the kitchen and mud room, or downstairs in the basement. Just as it has warmed up, Everett has really enjoyed kicking a ball with me on the driveway. Sierra has been busy rearranging snow on the snow bank and eating ice. When we turn on the music on the weekend in the kitchen, both kids like to bust out their moves.
There are many favorite moments for me with the children, but I really like bedtime quite a lot. After taking a bath, the kids all get dressed in their pajamas and get ready to read books. Both of them are very enthusiastic about reading. Sierra still has quite a short attention span, but at least she goes to her bookshelf and grabs book after book. She has found a Christmas book that she has quite enjoyed lately. She likes pointing out the birdies on the various pages. Even when I tried to read with Sierra alone, Everett hears us reading and comes into Sierra’s room where he tries to steal one of my knees from Sierra so that he could plop down and read along.
Sierra likes having her “ba” around and bedtime, the word she uses for her blanket. When we are done reading, I tell her to go get her sleep sack. When she is agreeable, she knows exactly what the sleep sack is, and pulls them off of the crib. I open it up and she sits herself in the sleep sack. I sling her blanket over my left shoulder, and pick up Sierra. After a hug and a kiss from Everett and mom, and she would lay her head down on the shoulder in the dark of her room. I would rock her for a while, my surrogate for a long hug, before laying her in the crib. Sierra would yawn as if on cue once her head hits the mattress. I rub her belly for a few minutes and she would look back at me with her huge dark eyes. I wonder how many more moments I would have like this with Sierra. I must’ve done something like this with Everett too, but I don’t remember back two years ago. I wonder if my dad put me to sleep in this way, or maybe my mom. Did they wonder the same thing?
I ask Everett which two books he wants to read tonight. On this particular night, he actually selected exactly two, but usually it’s somewhat of a negotiation. I was willing to go up to five books, but for tonight I went with it. They were even short books: one was one of the Paw Patrol phonics books, and the other was Baby Dinosaurs, a picture book where you followed the textured paths with your fingers across the pages. Everett grabs his stuffed Paw Patrol toys and plops himself down on my lap in Poang chair. I make a show to spell the title of the book, but most of the time Everett interrupts me “I want to!” and he spells out the title one letter at a time. For several of his favorite books that we have read innumerable times, he actually has them memorized. If I misread a keyword, he would correct me. Occasionally, he would read the entire book to me or mom instead!
After we are done reading, Everett likes to turn off the lamp and ensure that the hallway light is on, and then he climbs into bed with his stuffed Paw Patrol toys, head on the Paw Patrol pillow, Paw Patrol blanket at the foot of the bed. I cover him with the comforter, as well as his “blankie,” and then I get to snuggle with him.
The last couple of weeks, I actually have not been getting very much snuggling time because Everett has preferred mom infinitely more. So I have to settle for a quick hug and a kiss, and Everett tells me that I’m done, but “You’re not done mom.” But now that mom is not here, I get as much snuggling as I want. I ask Everett about how his day was and if he had fun. I asked him what he had for lunch. Sometimes he remembers with some prompting, other times he doesn’t. I asked him about his friends at the home. Today, he liked playing with Abigail, who happens to be four years old. It sounded like they played together at first, but then later Abigail did want to play with Everett. Everett likes Abigail and Sierra the most at the home. I reminded him that mom was coming back on Sunday (I should’ve said Monday). Everett remembered that tomorrow was Friday, but then thought that Sunday was the following day.
I like having my arm around my little Bean, and my other hand I am rubbing his hair. I try to picture how this little three-year-old Bean sees the world. Maybe it is trying to relive innocence once again as a parent, and see everything afresh from a child’s perspective. I think about how I really want my children to be happy, and that I wish they could be happy all the time.
I will miss the bittersweet moments of drop off at the home. Yes, that means the burden of childcare is offloaded for that day, but I miss being with the Beans as well. I will miss that desperate kiss and hugs (three of them from Everett) before Sierra and Everett are led off into the day home by Teacher Yvonne. I’ll miss the pickups the two of them are so excited to see me. Everett exclaims “daddy!” and as soon as the gate is open – is over to give me a big hug. Sierra is not too far behind, her little footsteps pounding the linoleum floor towards the door. They both get dressed, Sierra lifts up her little feet for me to put her boots on, and I take them for a ride on the wagon back home. I will miss Everett being a “good boy.” At the mud room, Everett tells me to put my shoes aside so that they do not block the door entrance. Sierra stands patiently in the mudroom like a marshmallow in her coat until I am done with Everett. I show Everett what is cooking in the oven for dinner and he exclaims, “Meatballs! I love meatballs! Yummy!” After finishing his dinner, he does his “good habits” cleaning off the plate over the garbage and putting it in the dishwasher. Sierra holds her little hands out to wash over the sink while Everett does it himself… with soap! I’ll miss how the kids like playing in the bath together, most of the time. And how they are all wrapped up in their towels after. I already miss when Everett used to say, “Read book!” and I’m sure I’ll miss bedtime routine when they no longer need it.
When I’m snuggling with my Beans, and I am happy in that moment, but at the same time I’m also sad, because it is one less snuggle that I get to have with them.
