Eventually as one gets older, there comes a point where it is not possible to have pure personal growth without tradeoffs. For Everett, everything is new, so learning and experiences keep adding up. I’m 37 in about a week and I’m having to choose between competing interests that all have paths to happiness, but I cannot have them all. It was like when I was eight, watching the Olympics, or some child piano prodigy. At that time there was potential for me to be an Olympic athlete or great pianist, but now, there’s pretty much no chance. I can argue that I’ve devoted most of my time into becoming a successful nephrologist, which is fantastic, but I had given up my potential in doing something else.
There’s a long list of stuff to do in Kauai that looks very appealing. In another life, Shannon and I would do the helicopter ride around the island, do a sail and snorkel tour on the Napali coast, hike all around, kayak rivers and bike the trails. We’d probably go out every night for dinner too. But our trade off has been our little Beans that have enriched our lives in the 2 years Everett has been with us, and 4 months with Sierra.
Despite not really “doing” anything, this has been a great vacation in a different way. Waipouli Beach Resort has been wonderful in that we have an awesome larger two bedroom condo facing a great view where is it super comfortable to be spending all of our time. Unlike in Red Deer where I spend about 3-4 hours with Everett, I’m getting all day. I wake up with Everett and make him breakfast. Then Sierra starts squawking, so I get her and we all eat breakfast together. Shannon gets up a bit later and then we all go swimming. Then lunch and nap time. When Everett is up again, we go swimming again, followed by dinner, sometimes a walk, and then bed time.
Everett is off his nap routine, so this afternoon, I was laying with him for a little while in bed. I didn’t want to make a habit out of this, because I wouldn’t be able to do this back in Red Deer, but it was really nice not to have anything else to do, but to talk to my two year old and cuddle. It would have been actually nice to nap too, but Everett doesn’t nap easily with people around. We ran through his list of nouns and said goodnight to everything, and I said that “Dada loves Everett, and we’re going to go swimming when you wake up.” Everett kept saying “My Dada,” and “This is my Dada,” pointing to me over an over. I reply, “This is my Everett.” He says, “Dada snuggle with me,” in his tone where he drags out he “me,” rolls up to me and puts my arm around his tiny body. I rub his hair sweaty from the hot weather and tickle his toes.
It is really an indescribable feeling to have your little boy love you back. At this age, it is unconditional. Even when I yell at him to stop misbehaving this or that, and he crosses his little arms across his chest, within minutes he is back to being my little angel. Everett gets me to hold him tightly when there is something that scares him, be it zombies from Walking Dead, or the panda mascot at Panda Express. He grabs me in the swimming pool so I don’t drift too far away from him, and he thinks I’m halarious when he trying pushing me off into the water and I pretend to slip and splash in. I’m his hero. He skips down sidewalks holding my fingers, and keeps me nearby when he inspects worms or roosters out in the wild. I cut a piece of pineapple for Everett after dinner, or do up his sandals, and he says “Thank you, dada.” I reply, “Your welcome Bean Bean.” Dada loves you.
It’s a big responsibility. I want to raise a good boy, not be too harsh in teaching life lessons but not allowing him to experience and learn from challenges as well. I want to be with him at every step and keep him from harm, yet I know that helicoptering would be a great detriment.
I think we’re doing all right so far, but we’re only two years in, and Sierra is growing up quickly too. At this age, she is one month younger than when Everett went to Maui and started saying his “aaaahh’s,” and I was thinking how cute he before his teeth grew in. Now Sierra has two little shards at the bottom!
Every night, I look forward to waking up and giving the big bean a big hug and kiss in the morning, and smooching Sierra in her big cheeks and giving her a squeeze. While life would probably be flashier without the kids, I don’t know if it would be more any more fulfilling.
